Or at least a not so good disciplinarian? One of my top reasons for guilt is yelling. I was reading an issue of Parenting magazine that said yelling was one of the number one reasons for mommy guilt. Well, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Let me explain, I am a yeller by nature. I get it honest from my father, who got it honest from his father. However, getting it honest doesn't make it okay. I guess if there's a good side, it's that I am not a grudge holder. I don't bottle my anger up inside and let it fester. It explodes out in a very loud voice, and it's gone in a minute. (This is not to say that I forget every unkind comment that has ever come my way, that I don't remember said comments periodically and feel hurt all over again, but that's another blog topic).
The problem is I know it's not good to yell at my three year old. It just makes him yell, too. The time I am most likely to yell is (I cringe to type this) when I am on the computer - emailing, reading blogs, posting. I get so frustrated that I am not allowed even fifteen minutes of me-time. Now we're coming to part of the problem, allowed? Since when are my children making the rules for me? It's the mommy guilt. I feel guilty for being on the computer and yelling, so then I don't give myself time to do something I want to do. When, really, I need to set some boundaries (for myself and my sons). For instance, Mommy is going to be on the computer for fifteen minutes after breakfast, then we can play, draw, go outside. During those fifteen minutes, please don't ask Mommy for a snack or if you can get on pbskids.org.
I know lots of moms struggle with giving their children enough of their time. I know it's easy to let the computer (or, for me sometimes, a book) suck up way too much time. I guess I just don't want 1) the guilt I feel for not giving my boys enough time to become a reason for giving in to their unreasonable demands or 2) the guilt I feel for yelling at H to become a reason for not following through on a promised punishment.
I don't know if this will even make sense to anyone else... Maybe it's the pressure of having two mobile children, for which I am very thankful.